The Best Matchmaker: God! by Linden Malki

We were created to live in relationships! One way we know how important this is, is to realize that almost every living creature depends on a relationship to reproduce--but we are each different within a an amazing individuality, and then realize the even greater variety of combinations of couples and singles within a community, not to mention an entire world, we realize how incredible our Creator is. The earliest story we have about how people are made to live together is the very first description that shows the first two people were not created to live alone, but with each other. The ideal is for this to be happy, but the difference in people and circumstances doesn't always work that way. One of the major concerns in most of our lives is to find a partner that we can live with (and ideally love, but that doesn't always work). One of the things I have found amazing with my family and friends is the surprises that God has for us in this journey--and the importance of paying attention.

God can do amazing things if we give him the chance! One of my sons got stood up by a date and left with a picnic lunch for two, and decided to call a high school friend that had been mentioned as someone he should get back in touch with--and eventually married. His brother went to college at Chapman University in Orange County, and met a girl from Seattle--where most of my family lives. One weekend he and his dad and I went up there for a family wedding and she was also in Seattle for the weekend--so we wound up meeting her up there. The cool thing about their eventual wedding in Seattle was having lots of my family there.  One of my daughter's cousins got a job with one of my customers, met a guy there who introduced my daughter to his brother--who she is still married to. And I wound up marrying a man that I met on a Dutch freighter between New York and Beirut--whose family there knew a cousin of mine who was a missionary there that Dad and I were visiting with Dad's brother. That was the surprise that got me to San Bernardino, where one of my Dad's best friends was the associate pastor of what was then Calvary Baptist Church. God's surprises are a lot better than our own plans!           

Families--the best and worst of life--by Linden Malki

Families can be the most wonderful and comforting place to live; or they can be the most terrible and painful environment that can be imagined. We can even see this in Scripture; what we have in the words of God are both the most beautiful and also the most depressing stories that we find in any literature. The Bible is honest; people have not changed in the millenia since the beginning. If we pay attention to the world around us, we find both the best and the worst.

I grew up in a neighborhood that had them both. My own family was not perfect (whose is?) but we got along relatively well and pretty much dealt with issues as they arose. My parents both grew up in Christian families, went to church regularly, were taught right from wrong and watched for opportunities to help people whenever we could. Our extended families were also raised in churches and get along with each other pretty well (in most cases). I thank God for watching out for us and blessing us in many ways.

Not all of our friends and neighbors were as fortunate. There were families on our block whose idea of raising kids was to shove them out the door in the morning and then step outside and cuss at them periodically; and not pay any actual attention to what they were doing. My mom did keep an eye out, so I avoided the worst of what was going on, but I realized later that I did learn too much too young about some things. Some of the families did pack the kids off to Confession on Saturdays, so they had some acquaintance with God; and my dad scooped as many of them as possible for VBS at our church. A few of them had parents who were involved in churches; and the only one that I am still in any regular touch with is one of them.

We mostly live around a similar mix of people; some healthy families and some totally dysfunctional, and everything in between. What can we do about it? We can live lives that demonstrate the best of what God intends for His people; we can watch for opportunities to show care and concern and words of wisdom (without being judgmental); and we can pray for those that are put in our path.

Our Relationship with Ourselves--by Linden Malki

We are learning that we are all different, and react differently to the stresses of our lives. That's something that we need to remember when we are trying to relate our own pain with someone else.  There are very few people who get through life without pain; but the first thing to remember is that life changes. Each of our days is unique; while we go through many of the same trials, each one of us experiences it differently. That doesn't mean that we can't learn from each other! In fact. one of the advantages is that we can learn from someone else who may have had something similar but discovered different lessons and insights that can help us cope--and share insights that may help someone else in their pain.

Some of us think we need to take over others' issues and solve everybody's problems, and then feel guilty when that doesn't happen the way we think it should. Sometimes we get hung up on the idea that nobody appreciates everything we do; however, we can fall into the trap of doing what we think we ought to do, and may or may not realize that our answers don't necessarily match the actual needs of the situation.  And we may need to face the fact that we can't do everything for everybody; that we see everybody else's shortcomings without seeing that the problem just might be our own lack of understanding ourselves. One of the biggest traps we need to recognize is that our own "feelings" are not a good gauge of the real world.

Yes, there are cases that require professional medical attention. But the most powerful therapy, in many cases, is  prayer and the willingness to listen and allow Him to change our life. One of the most important things to appreciate is that every day is a new day, and each day is a new opportunity. "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him." (Lamentations 3:22-25) This book was written in the days after Jerusalem was destroyed by the Babylonians, and the Judean people scattered from Egypt to Iraq. However, they did persevere and maintain their relationship with God. They did survive in exile. Their nation was restored in about 400BC, only to be scattered again in 70AD, and there were communities of Jews in North Africa and Iraq as well as many parts of the world, until they were finally enabled to re-establish their nation within the last century.                                                       

How Real is your image? by Linden Malki

If someone were to meet  you for the first time,  do you form an immediate impression of them, or do you think first of their impression of you?  How aware are you of the impression you make on others? The emphasis in last week's study was the negative reactions we evoke in others--either deliberate or unconscious.  Even a blank face means something--often indicating the detachment of an Observer. ( It is interesting that the assumption is that the impression will be negative.)  What also is happening is that while the other person is evaluating you, you are evaluating them as well, and you are both judging each other and planning your own next reaction.  And to make it more fun, your reaction to each other might be immediately positive or negative; and you have the choice.  We can get hung up on a first impression, or we can withhold judgement while we watch for context--and try to guess what the other person is thinking.

Another type of reaction is to react positively, which is sometimes appropriate and sometimes not. Of course, usually it is more likely to get a positive reaction.  This is usually a good thing; if the other person has a positive attitude as well, you are off to a great start. If you can get an idea how their mind works, you can try to work with this rather than against it.

The more you get acquainted with how your own mind works, the more likely you are to recognize the similarities and differences with other people, and use this knowledge to make the most of whatever opportunities you have to work together--or recognize that you are not going to work together well without patience and goodwill. Part of the point of getting acquainted with your enneagram is to recognize ways to work with others--or recognize when that's not happening. We are not limited to the styles with our high scores; but we can learn different approaches to situations and people; some styles work well with seemingly opposite people; some don't work well with similar types. It is also helpful to watch our friends and co-workers for what they do well and what they do well to avoid!

We are all made in His image--but with different facets showing. Part of the process of recognizing our spiritual gifts and individual styles is praying for our eyes to be open to our calling, and to those who we can work well with in His church and His world.